This past weekend I attended a baby shower. It’s the first one I’ve been to all year. I couldn’t bring myself to go to any others. (Read my previous post if you aren’t familiar with why this is so important.)
I had been preparing myself for the past month because I knew it would be hard. My therapist even suggested that I come up with a safe-word (or escape plan) if things just became too much for me. I was going with two other friends and we had come up with a plan. I thought everything was going to be fine… It was NOT!
Fast forward to the actual shower.. We had only been there for maybe 30 minutes. My beautifully pregnant friend came over to talk to us and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her for more than a minute or two. Once she walked away, I tried everything in my power to hold back tears. The friend sitting next to me looked at my face and said, “let’s go outside in the hall”. I bolted through the door and tears came rolling down my face. I felt suffocated, my stomach was in knots, and I could barely breath. After a several long minutes I was able to gather myself enough to go back inside.
See, not only was it hard to see her pregnant, there were also several babies under the age of 1 there. Also my friend doesn’t know, but the name she picked for her daughter was actually the very first name I told my mom and boyfriend that I had picked if we would’ve had a girl.
I know I just unpacked A LOT of my feelings onto ya’ll but I did it for a specific reason:
The importance of knowing your boundaries.
I had already established that going to the baby shower was going to be a lot for me emotionally and I had partnered with my friends (and therapist) to devise a plan in case my emotions got the best me.
Knowing your boundaries can’t always prevent things like pain but they can help to soften the blow a little. We all need to spend a decent amount of time getting to know ourselves; likes, loves, dislikes, anything that’s a nonnegotiable, boundaries, and so much more. Knowing yourself comes with age and/or wisdom for most but there are people who never really take the time to explore them because they’re so busy always trying to build with another person. You will never really know who you are if you don’t put the same amount of effort into yourself as you do into others. You’ll become lost in the identities of so many other people because you lack self-knowledge.
Take the time to know what triggers you because then you can begin to establish healthy boundaries with those people, places, or things.
Until next time; Be YOU. Do YOU. LOVE YOU 💜