I’ll be honest, over the years (and even recently) I’ve been a real shitty friend. I could blame it on my mental health..I could blame it on my childhood..I could blame it on my miscarriages..I could blame it on anything other than myself but the truth is: I’m selfish. I’ve come accept that about myself. I’ve also come to accept, that we have to be willing to meet people where they are…and it most certainly applies to self; self-love, self-care, self-worth, self-accountability.
When I was younger, I always cried the victim. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a victim in some of those situations, but I was so caught up in what was happening to me and not focused on how I needed to react to it. Then I went through depression and isolated myself from A LOT of people that were close to me. (I’ve done this more than once btw.) I’ve repaired some friendships and others are distant memories. I’ve grown a lot but there’s always room for more growth.
Now I’m here in this weird space between wanting to be a good friend and wanting to be left the hell alone, honestly.
You see, I used to think that being a great friend meant that I was always available to others. I felt like I had to always pick up the phone, I always had to be physically present for every event, and God-forbid I missed a birthday!! Let me just say, being constantly available is TIRING. It’s especially tiring when you’re trying to find (or create) peace in your life.
One of my favorite writers dropped a post yesterday. (Read it here.) It really resonated with me and inspired me to drop this. The last sentence hit me the hardest, “Sometimes your goal should be you!”. It put my whole topic into perspective: Meeting yourself where you are is just as important (if not more) as meeting others where they are.
We have to extend grace to ourselves and others. We’re all going to fall short. We’re all going to get frustrated because things are happening quickly or we aren’t healing at the pace that we think we should be.. But we’re also going to crush goals faster than we planned and we’re going accept opportunities that open doors we never imagined we’d walk through. Life is a series of peaks and valleys in which our best selves don’t always appear, but that’s okay. We have to be willing to say, “I understand that you might not be able show up for me right now and I love you anyway”.
Now extending grace is needed, however you have to know when to apply it and when to wash your hands with a situation (or person). Extend grace to your friend who’s a new mom and can’t bring herself to leave her baby and attend your birthday party. Don’t extend grace to the boyfriend who’s cheated on you more times than you can count and doesn’t know your worth. (That’s my opinion but by all means, do you boo. If you like it, I love it.)
There will be some days that your best friend needs you to show up for them, but you know that you need to show up for yourself more. Choose you. It’s alright to be selfish sometimes. A big part of adulthood is knowing when to be selfish and when to be selfless.
So the next time you feel like you can’t be there for someone, or you feel slightly offended because someone isn’t showing up for you, extend grace and remember this: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”— Ephesians 4:32.
Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜