Faith > Fear

It’s been a little while, I know. I wanted to talk to y’all but I didn’t have the words.

Well now I do..

8.20.08— I lost my grandma. She was my other momma. 90% of my childhood memories include her. She took my sister & I fishing at the lake almost every warm, sunny Saturday. We went to church with her almost every Sunday. If I had to pick two things that she said which made the most impact on my life it be would be the following:

  1. Always get an education. Not just because it’s important, but because it’s the only thing that no one can ever take away from you.
  2. Never lose your faith.

8.20.20— 12 years to the day; I received my (re)admittance letter from George Mason University.

Before my grandma passed, she made me promise her that I would finish college. None of my cousins had finished yet. Finances weren’t the best, scholarships weren’t nearly enough, and quite frankly; LIFE HAPPENED. So as she lay in the nursing home, I promised her, “I’m going to finish college”.

Well, just like those family members before me, life happened and I lost focus. I stayed in school an extra year because I had almost flunked out of college my very first semester. I applied for graduation and walked across the stage knowing that I still had 9 credits left to take over the summer. I celebrated anyway.

Those summer classes weren’t a top priority for me. I needed to work so I could take care of myself. I had moved out from my parents and going back was no longer an option since there was no actual home to go to. I had to survive…so I failed two out of my three classes.

That was 7 years ago. It’s been 7 longggg years. I carried around so much disappointment in those seven years. Partly because I felt like a failure, but mostly because I broke my promise to my second favorite lady. Even though she hasn’t been here in the physical in so long, I carry her with me and feel her spirit often.

So here I am, at 30 years old, going back to college. Although I’m honestly scared shitless that I’ll fail again, it feels damn good knowing that I still have the determination in me. I had to dig down deep to find it, but I knew it was still there somewhere.

Between working full-time, stepping out on faith with my new part-time gig (which I’ll get to in a minute), and trying to maintain a healthy work-life balance; fitting school in can be difficult. I’m making it work though.

I’m going to get my degree for me, but also for my grandma and every other ancestor who weren’t able to. I’m letting my faith outweigh my fear.

Speaking of which: I also decided to step out on faith and display one of my talents to the world (really just my hometown but you get the picture I’m trying to paint here). I recently made the decision that I wanted to join a salon as a part-time hair-braider. Braiding has been a passion of mine since my cousin Miriam first taught me how to cornrow when I was 12. Luckily I found a local salon that was willing to give me an opportunity and now my secret is out.

See, I don’t know if I’m the only one this has happened to, but turning 30 really just made something click in my brain. I know I’ve told you before but this has been such a pivotal trip around the sun for me so far. I told myself I would do more things this year that scare me and I’ll be damned if the universe wasn’t listening because planets have been aligned baby!!

Now I know I’m blessed to have such an amazing tribe of people behind me, cheering me on and encouraging me, but I know that not everyone has that. For those of you that don’t, read this next sentence carefully:

Be your own cheerleader!

Now go back and read it again.

Sure, I have great people telling me I can do it..but it’s not as effective if I’m not also telling myself that I can do it too. I know the old folks always say, “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear” but when it comes to self, that theory is null and void.

Whatever you feed, will grow. Therefore, you need to see yourself as the person you want to be and where you want to go, you need to hear yourself speak those things into fruition, and you need to fully believe both! . Remember to always speak life.

So here’s to you friends—

Whatever you want to do/ wherever you want to go, may your faith outweigh your fear in abundance. Greatness is coming.

Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU💜

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